Oscar Buzz

Surprisingly I am not sporting a buzz as I watch the Oscars. This is probably because I had QUITE the buzz last night and am paying for it today. As I have mentioned previously in other posts and to everyone I talk to, I am going sober on the 9th of March. I am extremely nervous about this because it is something that I haven't done since I was pregnant. And that was only because I had to obviously. In my family, alcohol plays a very important role in our lives. It is something that we all indulge in from time to time, and of course we also over indulge. I think of all the money and time I have spent on alcohol and it makes me sick. But in our society, it is more than acceptable, its ok. You can see it in all the movies, and in television. Something goes wrong in a person's life and what do they turn to? Its always there, and it won't let you down...right? I think of all the bad decisions I've made because of my drinking and that saddens me. I know that I'm not the only one. I know that I have disappointed some of the most important people in my life with things I've done because od alcohol. This is probably the most devastating fact of all. Perhaps the thing that scares me the most is the fact that I will realize the amount of time I waste on drinking and won't go back to it. I don't know what I would do to fill the void in my life. A few years ago alcohol and I had a love hate relationship. I think most of the time I am able to have a happy medium with it. But a few years ago I was drinking every single night, mostly to the point of passing out. I was not a good person, I didn't want to know me, and I didn't want anyone else to know me. Unfortunately for Madison, I wasn't a good mom either. She doesn't remember too much because she was young, and I hope that she never does because it was a dark period in my life . I feel that I am in a better place now but I could always do better. Dave is a very insightful person and the other day we were out and he said some things that were very profound to my life... It's something that made me stop and think about the priorities in my life. Obviously I'm not going to change over night, but this is something I need to work on. Sometimes someone comes along and says the things you need to hear but in a different way and it makes sense. That's what he is doing for me. Well I have a lot to think about, but I'm home safe and in my bed and I couldn't be happier. Biggest Loser Challenge starts tomorrow at work and I'm VERY excited!