Those things you forget.......

So when you're in a couple there are a lot of great things that happen. There are a lot of memories that the two of you create also. Unfortunately, when your time together is over, all you have left is the memories that the two of you created. If there are children involved there are additional things that plague your memory bank also. Lately I have had a lot of time to sit and think about these things and its really been bothering me. It is very hard for me to move on when I'm constantly dwelling on old memories. There are so many pictures of me and Dave, and me and Dave's kids and it just hurts to look at them. I want to get to a point where I can look back on those memories and be reminded of only the good times and not the mess we made of things in the demise of our relationship. It's been almost two montsh since we split and a lot has happened. A lot that I'm not very proud of, and a lot that I am proud of. I think I'm making progress, but its been a long road, and I know that it's going to be longer and bumpier. So I just want to know when I'll get to the point when I actually can be healed and move on. I've heard the adage that it takes you half as long as your relationship was to move on. In that case I have a little over a year left... which is kinda discouraging. When I sit back and look at things between me and Dave and how they unraveled I realized that we should have broken up months ago. We had spent so much time together and our lives were so intertwined that it was hard to see the forest through the trees. If we would have communicated better I think we would have been done a lot sooner than we were. I learned a lot about what I want out of my next relationship and what I deserve and what I am able to offer. I just hope that I find someone before I'm dead. It just seems like such a futile attempt. I'm so busy with school and work and I don't want to meet someone in a bar because that seems so cliche. But my options are fairly limited as there are no available men at work or in my classes either. I guess I'm kinda at a standstill. I have removed all pics of Dave from my room so that is helping me move on. But it still hurts to have him out of my life. I would do anything to have him back in my life just as friends. I just miss talking to him and spending time with him and I would do anything to have that back. But right now, I guess its just not in the cards for me. I will have to wait and see what happens.

Oscar Buzz

Surprisingly I am not sporting a buzz as I watch the Oscars. This is probably because I had QUITE the buzz last night and am paying for it today. As I have mentioned previously in other posts and to everyone I talk to, I am going sober on the 9th of March. I am extremely nervous about this because it is something that I haven't done since I was pregnant. And that was only because I had to obviously. In my family, alcohol plays a very important role in our lives. It is something that we all indulge in from time to time, and of course we also over indulge. I think of all the money and time I have spent on alcohol and it makes me sick. But in our society, it is more than acceptable, its ok. You can see it in all the movies, and in television. Something goes wrong in a person's life and what do they turn to? Its always there, and it won't let you down...right? I think of all the bad decisions I've made because of my drinking and that saddens me. I know that I'm not the only one. I know that I have disappointed some of the most important people in my life with things I've done because od alcohol. This is probably the most devastating fact of all. Perhaps the thing that scares me the most is the fact that I will realize the amount of time I waste on drinking and won't go back to it. I don't know what I would do to fill the void in my life. A few years ago alcohol and I had a love hate relationship. I think most of the time I am able to have a happy medium with it. But a few years ago I was drinking every single night, mostly to the point of passing out. I was not a good person, I didn't want to know me, and I didn't want anyone else to know me. Unfortunately for Madison, I wasn't a good mom either. She doesn't remember too much because she was young, and I hope that she never does because it was a dark period in my life . I feel that I am in a better place now but I could always do better. Dave is a very insightful person and the other day we were out and he said some things that were very profound to my life... It's something that made me stop and think about the priorities in my life. Obviously I'm not going to change over night, but this is something I need to work on. Sometimes someone comes along and says the things you need to hear but in a different way and it makes sense. That's what he is doing for me. Well I have a lot to think about, but I'm home safe and in my bed and I couldn't be happier. Biggest Loser Challenge starts tomorrow at work and I'm VERY excited!

Homework Done...No...Car Registration Renewal Done...No....List of movies I haven't seen Done....CHECK.

So its been brought to my attention by several people, most importantly those that are closest to me, that I haven't seen a lot of really great movies. So instead of doing homework or renewing my car registration which is only SLIGHTLY expired.... I thought I would start on my list of movies that I have NOT seen. Most of these movies I have heard of and I can even quote lines or recite some of the pivotal scenes in the movie, but I have never seen them all the way through. Enjoy. Feel free to poke fun because its pretty ridiculous!

1. NONE of the Back To Future Series
2. NONE of the Star Wars or Star Trek Series NEW or OLD
3. NONE of the Wayne's World Series
4. NONE of the Bill & Ted's Adventure Series
5. Sixteen Candles
6. Say Anything
7. Dream a Little Dream
8. Weird Science
9. 9 to 5
10. American Graffitti
11. An Officer and a Gentleman
12. Bad Boys
13. NONE of the Lethal Weapon Series
14. NONE of the Beverly Hills Cop Series
15. Blue Brothers
16. Flashdance
17. NONE of the Children of the Corn Series
18. The Color Purple
19. Roots
20. Labyrinth
21. NONE of the Die Hard Series
22. Driving Miss Daisy
23. The Elephant Man
24. The Evil Dead
25. Footloose
26. NONE of the Friday the 13th Series except for the first one.
27. The original HALLOWEEN
28. Psycho
29. NONE of the Ghostbusters Series
30. Here's a real shocker: The Goonies
31. The Gremlins...was there more than one? Because I haven't seen those either
32. NONE of the Mad Max series
33. The BodyGuard
34. Weird Science
35. The Matrix 2 & 3
36. NONE of the Neverending Story Series
37. 9 1/2 weeks
38. NONE of the Pee-Wee Herman Movies
39. NONE of the Police Academy Series
40. Purple Rain
41. NONE of the old Indiana Jones Series
42. NONE of the Rambo series
43. NONE of the Rocky Series
44. Risky Business
45. NONE of the Revenge of the Nerds Series
46. The Client
47. St. Elmo's Fire
48. Stand By Me
49. Stakeout
50. Rhinestone Cowboy
51. The Coal Miner's Daughter
52. Stripes
53. NONE of the Superman Series
54. NONE of the OLD BATMAN Series..I have seen Dark Knight
55. TAPS
56. NONE of the Cheech & Chong Series...Although I'm VERY familiar with the content.
57. Terms of Endearment
58. NONE of the Terminator Series
59. Tootsie
60. TOP GUN... I sure was pissed when I heard that Goose died and hadn't seen the entire movie.
61. The Untouchables
62. Valley Girl
63. NONE of the Weekend at Bernie's Series
65. Working Girl
66. Blazing Saddles
67. Presumed Innocent (Although I did read the book)
68. Interview with a Vampire
69. Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas
70. The Big Lebowski
71. Being John Malkovich
72. Basketball Diaries
73. Above the Rim
74. Some Kind of Wonderful
75. My Cousin Vinny
76. The Pelican Brief
77. White Chicks
78. Cool Hand Luke
79. Rosemary's Baby
80. Misery
81. Cape Fear
82. Dirty Harry
83. Point of No Return
84. Tango & Cash
85. CaddyShack
86. HairSpray
87. Whatever Happened to Baby Jane
88. School Ties
89. Raising Arizona
90. The Firm
91. NONE of the Godfather series except for the first one
92. Schindler's List
93. The Usual Suspects
94. Apocolalypse Now
95. Citizen Kane
96. L.A. Confidential
97. NONE of the Jaws Series
98. Blade Runner
99. Platoon
100. Philadelphia

**There are probably more but this is a good start for now..... now I'm going to actually get some things accomplished! **

Hot Tubs, Halloween, & Happy Birthday to ME!

Well, it has been a while since I have posted anything on here.... September 20th... Sooo almost two months ago. In that time span a lot has happened. Madison turned seven, I celebrated my birthday (a few times!), finished one of my 8 week online courses, HALLOWEEEN!, and we finally got the hot tub up and running! The first major event was the Toga Party. Unfortunately, only a handful of people wore their togas because the weather was unseasonably cool. It was a great event, lots of people showed up, food was good, and the beer was even better. The JELLO shots weren't too bad either! (Thanks Amber!) If you're reading this blog chances are you have already taken a peek at the pics from the Toga Party anyways.... I also had a few birthday dinners in October. What can I say? I LOVE celebrating birthdays! Madison turned seven, and she had a small party with her dad and his family and got some great gifts! My best gift was from Dave...a new digital camera..LOVE IT! The hot tub was a gift from my uncle to my parents and its fabulous!!! Although I had a LITTLE too much hot tub last night and had to pay for my mistake today! School is going well, this semester is about half over. I have a few major projects that are due pretty soon that I really need to get cracking on. It just seems like I have a lot of distractions lately that are keeping me from focusing more on school. This computer obviously being one of them!!! Halloween was fun this year.. Madison wanted to be a pumpkin and she got TONS of candy because she went all over the place. I dressed up as Cleopatra and had a pretty good time down at the Bier Stube. Also got to see a lot of interesting and creative costumes down there later in the evening. Work is going as well as can be expected. We are really short staffed on CNAs and I've been working 40 hrs most weeks which sucks because I need that extra day off to keep up with school. Literally every single day I'm off work calls and wants me to pick up a variety of shifts...Luckily a lot of the first shift girls have been staying over, coming in early, and picking up shifts here and there. It just gets so ridiculous. We finally got rid of a patient that needed a sitter that was sucking up one of our staff members so that helped out. The problem now is that our productivity is in the shitter, so the execs won't sign off on hiring new staff until it gets over 100%. Soo... this definitely won't be happening before Christmas which really stinks. The good thing about that is that I switched and am working NYE 1st shift instead of NYD 1st shift. I have a super cute dress for NYE that I CAN'T WAIT to wear out! Well thats about all thats going on in my neck of the woods. Thanks for reading!

Noteably Quotable

Well, I haven't blogged for a while, but whenever I go back and read over my entries, I have a strong urge to blog. But I wonder, what do I want to blog about? Every once in a while I have a situation that I really really really REALLY want to write about, but I don't want the whole world to read. I don't know how many people ACTUALLY read this, but I know that if it gets into the wrong hands.... Well I'm sure everyone can relate to that. That is why I have so many different friends 'lists' on facebook, because I just can't trust people. I don't have a problem being someone's friend on facebook, but I don't think that EVERY SINGLE PERSON that I confirm as a 'friend' need to see my *sometimes* ridiculous pics or know what I'm doing for the weekend (i.e. my status updates). I suppose I'm just as guilty as that also but I don't go up to said person's mother and speak my peace. In my book, that's just being fuckin shady. My mother always knows where I am and who I'm with. That's part of my stipulation for living at home. It doesn't really bother me all that much. But sometimes I'm reminded of the freedom of living on my own. When Madison stays with her dad on the weekends while I worked, I didn't have to come back to my apartment if I didn't want to. I could stay wherever I wanted, or I could have whoever I wanted stay the night. My mother did not need to know this, but now that I live at home, she is privvy to this information. I'm not saying its right or wrong. I'm just making a point. I think it would be wrong for me to be out all hours of the night and not come home until the next morning if Madison was at home. I think that would be bad. I'm not going to say its never happened....Because it has...I guess I don't have any real concrete thoughts, my mind is just wandering, and my fingers are typing faster than my thoughts.
I can't believe that Madison is going to be seven in a few weeks. This makes me feel strangely old. I don't know why seven is such a bigger deal than six. Perhaps it is because throughout the last year I've had to buy her clothes in the girls section instead of the infant/toddler section? Some of her shirts I have to buy in girls size medium! I'm like..WHAAAT.!? Now I know why I never had cool clothes growing up, clothes are expensive... and since I never had a little sister for which these clothes could be handed down to, I think I was a little overlooked in that dept. Well, I don't really have anything to say that's important, I was just bored. I SHOULD be studying for my MicroBiology exam that's on Wednesday, but I think sitting around watching TV sounds a LITTLE more fun!

Summer's Over?!?!?!

I can't believe how fast this summer went by. It seemed like just yesterday I was finishing up wtih my Spring Semester! I have had a great summer! I've met some new people and had a lot of great memories. School starts on Monday and I'm really looking forward to it because I need to get back on track. Madison started her first full week of first grade and she couldn't be happier. Work has been pretty busy, and I just recently got back from a week long vacay in Minnesota with the family. This has led us to the conclusion that we need to go again next summer with perhaps a few other people! Well I'm pretty tired and would like to go to bed and watch some TV. Have a great weekend!

I never

I'm sure everyone at some point in their life has played the game 'I Never.' I've realized that I've been saying the phrase a lot (and meant it! )So I decided to make a list of things that I've never done or seen before. Should be interesting..

If you don't count when I was pregnant, I've never went longer than a month without drinking since I was 17.

I've never seen any of the Star Wars movies in their entirety.

I've never seen GhostBusters 1 or 2 in it's entirety.

This one I'm not very proud of; I've never seen all of The Goonies (and I was born in the 80's!!!!)

I've never been on an airplane or train.

I've never left the United States.

I've never owned a passport (judging by the one before this I'm not surprised!)

I've never had a tattoo that couldn't be easily covered.

I've never liked wearing a watch.

I've never read the Bible all the way through.

I've never cheated on a test.

I've never fully gotten over the hurtful things that have been said to me over the years by people that I knew, especially my family.

I've never enjoyed eating meat off the bone in front of people, this list also includes food that falls apart easily such as tacos or sloppy joes, oh and ice cream and popsicles too.

I've never been in love.

I've never been more pissed than when LOST ended and all my questions weren't answered and felt like I wasted 6 plus years of my life watching that shit! GRR!

I've never been on an absolutely horrible date where I had to fake a story to leave early.

I've never liked the color yellow which is why I don't own anything yellow to my knowledge.

I've never been able to control my competitve side when playing recreational sports, card games, board games, or trivia nights.

I've never been truly, completely happy for a long period of time.

I've never realized how bad a Cougar could suck at volleyball (Ha Traci!)

I've never liked deleting pictures from my camera after I take them because there was a reason the picture was taken and I don't want to forget it, even if I had two chins and my eyes are closed.

I've never done a keg stand (and before a few weeks ago I had never done a beer bong!)

I've never really thanked my parents enough for all that they have done for me in my life, and I hope that one day I will be able to thank them appropriately.

Well I hope you enjoyed reading this, feel free to think of your own list, and add it to mine!